Miss Maude

I am recently unemployed and I'm really having a hard time with it. I had been working 30 hours a week as a Personal Support Specialist (doesn't it sound professional?). I had one client, (Miss) Maude, who was 90. We share the same birthday, and we figured out that she turned 57 the day I was born...pretty amazing! I worked with Maude for a little under 2 years, and became quite close with her. We had some great laughs, and we went on many crazy adventures, and we never left her apartment.
When I started working with Maude, she walked with a walker, and pretty much just needed help with bathing, dressing herself, and with meal preparation. We went for walks around the 'loop' of her little community, talked with the other tenants, which was always pretty comical! Miss Maude had a hard time hearing, as well as most everyone else we met along the way, so if you can imagine 2 elderly people who can't hear trying to have a conversation, you'll understand! I did a lot of yelling for both parties! Miss Maude also liked to play cards, but couldn't see very well. We would try to play, but I always knew what cards she was holding, so it didn't seem very challenging for me. She also had memory problems, and couldn't really remember much. She would ask what day it was; what the weather was like; who I was...etc. Everyday. So, you may ask, what I did all day with a 90 year old woman who couldn't hear, see, or remember who I was? I had some of the best days of my life, that's what I did! Miss Maude became a very special person to me, as well as her daughter, Linda who lived with her, because Maude couldn't be left alone.
Miss Maude loved kisses and hugs, and she loved to laugh and joke around! She loved the wildlife that used to come eat out back. And she LOVED food! Hot dogs and ice cream were some of her favorites, and anything sweet of course! So we hugged and kissed, laughed and ate~a lot~more than a lot~too much.
Father's Day weekend, Maude went to the hospital to get some fluids as she was dehydrated. The doctor there pretty much told the family that there was nothing anyone could do to help her, and sent her home. On Father's Day we all said goodbye, thinking that it would be very soon that Miss Maude would pass on.
Well, she had other plans, you see. She wasn't ready to pass on, as I'm sure she heard the doctor say. Although she didn't get out of bed, she managed to fight to live for 2 more months. On August 16, 2009, Maude passed away.
I was upset, and I am still upset. I don't sleep well anymore; I keep having nightmares of people being lost, or my husband being mad at me, or my kids being in danger. My whole life as I knew it for almost 2 years ceases to exist. I don't like not working, I don't like not having any money, and I don't like not knowing what the hell is going on.
I start officially waitressing next Tuesday. I might make 1/2 the money I was, but at least it's something. I also put in an application to be a substitute teacher, and from what I hear, it pays well. So, I'm thinking we should be OK. It's still just hard.